


Betrayal

by ashes_and_ashes



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, HP - Freeform, M/M, Wolfstar AU, dorlene, hp angst, jilly - Freeform, wolfstar, wolfstar angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 08:45:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18117341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashes_and_ashes/pseuds/ashes_and_ashes
Summary: He almost misses the knock on the door.Relief floods through him, relief and excitement as he practically bolts from his seat, not even bothering to put his mug of coffee down. He’s already talking, babbling almost as he unlocks the heavy door, disarms the wards with a flick of his wand. “Thank God, Sirius, I was worrying my ass off here, what the hell...”The door swings open, and Remus frowns as James stumbles in. He’s soaked, trailing ribbons of water all over the floor, and briefly Remus remembers 6th year, rain and thunder and Sirius half-dead on James’ couch. He shakes his head, closing the door behind James. “Hey. What are you doing...?”James takes a deep breath, looking up at Remus. “Sirius is dead.”





	Betrayal

**Author's Note:**

> Just a note: This is an AU where James and Lily didn’t make Peter the Secret Keeper, instead going with Sirius. As Sirius predicted, Voldemort and his followers found Sirius, and tortured him for James and Lily’s location. When he didn’t tell them, Voldemort killed him.

He sits at the table, his book open in front of him. His dinner sits beside him, half-eaten and now cold on his plate, a cup of water next to it. His hair is wet, trailing water down his back, smelling of soap and shampoo.    
Remus stretches, his hands in front of him. The light from the fireplace dances over his skin, making his scars darker in the flickering light.   
He had just gotten home, just arrived back after 3 months in the Werewolf Compound. 3 months, of living in shacks, wearing nothing but rags, eating nothing but bleeding, raw meat. He saw children there, scarred and distrustful, saw adults lying half-dead on the dirt ground, in a land of flies and blood and open scars.   
He couldn’t blame them, for wanting to join Voldemort.   
Remus yawns, glancing at the clock. It was past midnight, the rain pounding on the roof. He was exhausted, his muscles aching and sore, but he didn’t want to sleep yet. Sirius was supposed to be back tonight, from one of his Order missions, and he wanted to see him.   
They had sent a few letters, back and forth, mainly updating each other on how shitty the war had been. The letters had been long, at the beginning, one coming almost every day, but gradually they had stopped. The last letter had been written 2 weeks ago, in a hurried, slanted script.   
_ Things have changed. Going undercover. Be safe. _ __  
Remus didn’t know what had happened, the sudden distance and iciness. He supposed 3 months was a long time to be away.   
Thunder cracks outside, the wind howling through the trees, and Remus frowns. The storms were getting worse lately, the rain and the lightning. He shudders, clutching the blanket around himself tighter.   
He almost misses the knock on the door.   
Relief floods through him, relief and excitement as he practically bolts from his seat, not even bothering to put his mug of coffee down. He’s already talking, babbling almost as he unlocks the heavy door, disarms the wards with a flick of his wand. “Thank God, Sirius, I was worrying my ass off here, what the hell...”   
The door swings open, and Remus frowns as James stumbles in. He’s soaked, trailing ribbons of water all over the floor, and briefly Remus remembers 6th year, rain and thunder and Sirius half-dead on James’ couch. He shakes his head, closing the door behind James. “Hey. What are you doing...?”   
James takes a deep breath, looking up at Remus. “Sirius is dead.”   
Everything goes silent.   
He can’t breathe. He can’t breathe he can’t breathe  _ he can’t fucking breathe - _ __  
“No.” The words rip out from him, an aching, guttural sound. “No. No!”   
He’s gone numb, ice flooding into his veins, the walls spinning around him as his life starts to crack apart. The room seems to press into him, crushing his bones, ripping his head into a thousand different pieces. How many items in this room belonged to Sirius? How many pieces of his life did he leave behind?   
Dimly, he’s aware that he’s collapsed, onto the floor, water soaking his pants. There’s blood running down his arm, the shards of the cup around him. He can’t feel it, though, can’t feel anything as he takes in a shuddering breath. “How.”   
James closes his eyes. “Remus - “   
“How?” Everything is still to quiet, still too numb and he still can’t breathe, still can’t take in any air -    
James shakes his head. There are tears running down his face, mixing with the collection of water and coffee and blood staining the ground, and Remus doesn’t care. “They found him. The Death Eaters. Tortured him and Voldemort personally killed him. Marlene and Dorcas found the body.”   
Remus gasps, his fingers white-knuckled on the ground. “How bad?”   
James looks down, and Remus swears. “Shit. How fucking bad?”   
“Marlene threw up when she saw the body.” The words are flag, empty. “Dorcas passed out.”   
“God.” Everything is still spinning, the walls and floors cracking apart. “God.”   
“I’m sorry.” James’ voice breaks. “Re, I’m so, so fucking sorry, I know you were dating - “   
“We were engaged.” Remus whispers the words. “He proposed to me. We were supposed to get married in the summer.”   
James swallows, hard. “Fuck. Shit, Remus, I’m so sorry.”   
Remus screams.   
It tears his throat open, blood filling his mouth, a haunted, high pitched scream. It was an empty scream, a desperate scream, the scream of someone who had lost everything they had. It echos around the room, filling the house with his pain and misery, and he collapses against the floor. James sinks down next to him, his robes spilling out around him, and Remus closes his eyes. “What happened.”   
James shakes his head. “We...” He swears. “God. I....”    
“What happened, James?” Remus’ voice rises. “God damn it, I deserve to fucking know! My boyfriend is dead and you won’t tell me!  _ What fucking happened?” _ __  
James looks up. “It was while you were away. God, you know what it was like. Someone was leaking our plans. People getting killed left and right - 5 Death Eaters took Gideon and Fabian, Benjy was blasted into pieces, Edgar Bones and his children were all killed. We didn’t know who it was, Re, we were desperate - “   
Remus’ voice is quiet. “You thought it was me.”   
James sighs. “You were gone for so long. It was easier to pretend when you weren’t there. And Lily and I needed a Secret Keeper. We chose Sirius. He told us to switch to Peter, told us that no one would suspect Peter was the Secret Keeper, but we refused. Said he was the only one we really trusted.” James’ voice cracks. “They found him. Took 7 Death Eaters to drag him off. They tortured him for days. When he didn’t tell them anything, Voldemort came and killed him. Dorcas found his body, and Marlene went crazy. They went and found one of the Death Eaters who tortured him. Ripped his memories straight out of his head. His body was left in pieces.”   
“Thank God.” Something hard filled Remus’ chest, something icy and stony. “I hope he suffered. I hope they took so damn long to kill him.”   
James nods. “It took them a few days.”   
“Good.” James winces at the words, and Remus knows he should feel guilty but he doesn’t care. “I want to see the memories.”   
“No.” James’ voice is firm. “You’re not seeing them. I won’t let you.”   
“Why?” Remus laughs. “Of course. You won’t let me see the final moments of my fiancé. Course, I’m sure you still think I’m the Spy, don’t you?”   
James stutters. “What? No, of course I don’t! None of us thought you were, but the rest of the Order did - “   
Remus shakes his head. “God Damn it. That’s why he didn’t write. He thought I was the Spy. Everyone thought I was the fucking Spy. Figures. Blame the Werewolf for everything.”   
James stands, quickly. “Remus - “   
Remus is shouting now, the words angry. “Do you know what I saw in there? In the werewolf compound? I saw kids starving to death on the streets. I saw people dying and bleeding and in so much fucking pain and I couldn’t do anything because I was undercover for an organization that did nothing for me because I was a fucking werewolf! I risked my neck to find information, I betrayed my own kind and they are all so desperate there and I thought to myself, ‘Why wouldn’t they join Voldemort? The Wizarding world treats them all like shit anyways!’” Remus’ voice is bitter. “And now I come home and my fiancé is dead and he was tortured to death and you still all think I’m a spy and I wish I was dead. I _ wish I was fucking dead.” _ __  
James shakes his head. “Remus, you’re upset right now, you’re not thinking properly. Let me help you, Re. Please.”   
Remus laughs. “If you want to help me, then kill me. You all think I’m the Spy anyways.”   
James steps back. “No. No. I’m not going to kill you Remus.”   
Remus closes his eyes. “Please.”   
James is silent. The rain pounds on the roof, thunder and lighting tearing at the sky. The trees are dark outside, black strands soaring into the clouds, and Remus thinks they look like strands of hair in his fingers. He swallows. “Please.”   
James shakes his head. “No.”   
“Fuck you.” Remus seizes the plate on the table, hurls it at the wall. It shatters, into thousands of pieces, but James doesn’t flinch. “ _ Fuck you! _ What more do I have to love for, anyways? Sirius is gone and no one trusts me anymore and I am left with my  __ worthless life!”   
James closes his eyes. “Remus, I’m so sorry. I know what you’re going through, I feel it too. You lost a lover, I lost a brother.”   
Remus just looks up. “You should have chosen Peter. You should have made him the Secret Keeper. He wouldn’t be dead if you had just listened to him! None of this would have happened!”   
James’ face is miserable, agonized and desperate. “What do you want, Remus? What do you want?”   
Remus hates himself for speaking the words, but he can’t stop them. “I wish you were dead. I wish you were dead and Sirius was alive.”   
James stands up slowly, his face bleak. “Do you honestly think that I don’t wish the same?”


End file.
